|My dream cosplay~|
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth."
Full Metal Alchemist was not only my first anime, but the one that resonated and actually saved my life. The quote above is the main motif and principle of the show which is repeated by Alphonse Elric before the opening song is played. It lays out the law of the universe that boils down to you cannot receive something without first giving in return; everything is give and take.
I have been suffering from 2 eating disorders for the past 2 years. I went from being overweight, to anorexic, to bulimic, to going through recovery, to exercise OCD and starving myself again. I would freak out about eating and exercising everyday, trying to cut weight for cosplays or guys or just the obsessive need to be thin. So even though I’ve gained weight and am trying to eat like a normal person a part of me would still restrict and cut and over exercise all the time, because I hate how I look. This would lead to a cycle of my metabolism being out of whack and wanting more and more food, which would scare me into more bad habits. My smart friends would always tell me, “You can’t just go a week without carbs. You need food. That’s what your body works out with. Eating actually lets you burn more.”
Then it hit me one day. Maybe the answer to my problems all this time was that I wasn’t looking at my food intake and exercise as an exchange. An equivalent exchange. For the body to actually be toned, thin, and healthy you need to be put food into it. I mean I would view this but in a wrong way of saying that everything I ate needed to be burned off, which is also wrong, but an exchange of energy and calories needs to take place. That a day of exercise needs to be exchanged with a day of rest. Cutting/restricting and then over exercising is two actions of taking. There is no giving or receiving in that equation, so it is almost as bad as transmuting somebody back to life. There needs to be a give in the take. That’s how life works and that’s how the body works.
For the past two weeks I have been very close to relapsing again, because I see my new appetite, cutting/restricting, cosplay goals, image in the mirror, all those thoughts are circling my head and it strains me. My body is literally beat up and I’m getting sick I feel. But I truly can remember that all the work I do needs to be followed up with rest by following this law of exchange taught to me by my favorite anime. It’s funny how that works, but it’s helped me through some rough times. To obtain the healthy body I need, the need to be thin needs to be lost, but at the same time an equal medium can be made where happiness is met by following a balance. Balance is the key. I will keep going forward and I hope things turn around just as they did for the Elric brothers.~
“A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain anything without sacrificing something else in return, but once you have overcome it and made it your own...you will gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart.”
Terve, I'm Allissoon. I study Interactive Media, Animation and Japanese at USC. (I know its a ton of stuff). I love basically everything, so that includes you YEAH, and I accept commissions. Feel free to send a message at any point.|
Current Residence: Los Angeles